Today’s prompt on EMB is What is the first thing that comes to mind when you think back to being 18?. Apparently it’s Brand New Songs because I’m blaring them right now. I was going to go with I’m going to stay 18 forever as my title. But then I realize, I don’t think I’d want to be 18 again. 17 sure. 19 damn straight I would be as would 20, 21, 22, and 23 lol. 18 not so much. Because when I look back there’s so much I would change about being 18…

18 I think started promisingly enough. I turned 18 the second week of being in college. My roommate and the girls across the hall plus a guy on the third floor got together and made me a card and bought me a stuffed monkey that had a UMBC t-shirt on it (I still have that monkey). It was pretty sweet and I had a lot of hope for being 18.

The first thing and the main thing I associate about being 18 though is dating my ex and I dated him pretty much that whole 18th year on and off. I met my ex 4 days after turning 18. September 6th. Why I remember these things, I don’t know. It was a Saturday night. We hit it off right away and despite my doubts that I was being rushed into a relationship, we started dating the 9th. He was my first serious boyfriend. He was my first serious anything if you get my drift. I probably was stupid as fuck to agree to be in a relationship but I was swept away with the idea of being in one. I mean it was quite romantic to me at the time to have a boyfriend to cuddle with during a hurricane and for our friends to nickname us Willary (a portmanteau of our names – oh the fan fic writer in me giggled at that). However things weren’t as peachy keen as I thought it was.

While he did save my ass in Math 106 and he did become my best friend, he for the most part became one of my few friends I had. I was always the girl who had a lot of people to hang out with and suddenly I had him, Andrew, Charlie, and Laura…and of course Lina, Eva and Shelly but they were at home (or in Eva’s case at George Mason) and that’s it. I talked to other people but I never got around to forming the close relationships I’d previously imagined that I would make when I got to college. I even thought about at one point transferring to the University of Maryland, College Park (I had been accepted for the spring semester) to start over (and I hate the College Park campus!). I should have realized then something was wrong.

I should have realized the first time he cheated on me with Katrina that something was wrong with our relationship.
I should have realized the times he would get pissed at hell at me when I would write in my online diary that something was wrong with our relationship.
I should have realized the time he hacked into my online diary to read my entries that something was wrong with our relationship.
I should have realized all of the times he wanted me to write I love Will in my AIM profile and would get pissed when I would not was a sign something was wrong with our relationship. He figured that meant I didn’t love him or wanted to cheat on him.
I should have realized the times he got pissed at me for writing that I shouldn’t be with him.
I should have realized when he broke up with me for Becky but cheated on Becky with me that I shouldn’t be with him.
I should have realized that his damn computer game addiction meant I shouldn’t be with him.
I should have realized that when he didn’t do a damn thing for me for valentine’s day beyond make me a card online (mind you, that next V-day when he was dating Ryn, he bought her a diamond ring), meant I shouldn’t be with him.
I should have realized that when he went to Michigan to visit an ex (and to this day while I have no confirmation that he cheated on me, I’ve no doubts that he did even if he denied it up and down), meant I shouldn’t be with him.
I should have realized that day he accused me of forcing him to break up with Becky to get back together with me and that he felt forced to be with me (despite me telling him you need to be damn well sure you want to be with me before you ask me out again and despite when he asked me out while on Nyquil induced haze, I told him if he can remember asking me out when he woke up,I’d say yes…and he pounced on me that morning and remembered) should have been a huge sign that he’s a douchebag!

While I am angry still when I think back, I also have to be grateful.

Remember when I said that I never had the close group of friends that I wanted my freshman year…

Well thanks to him and I dating, a lot of events occurred that allowed for me to make them the following school year. Because had I not dated him, I would not met Rachi, Brian, Truc, Austin, Ashley, Ryan, Lexi, Sarah…I may or may not have met Lelia, Stephanie K. Roni, and Rachel and thus going on to create a Jewish sorority. I may or may not have become more active in Hillel. But I know for damn sure had I not dated Will, I would have not met my doofuslove (because had I not met Ashley, I don’t think Jon would have talked to me that fateful night that we met).

So maybe after it’s all said and done, thank you douchebag for my awesome friends and you can keep your wife that no one (including you for the most part because I wouldn’t be surprised if you’re still continuing your cheating ways) wants to be around