28Jun

Catching your attention

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I’m still on vacation from work but I went in today – I figured I’d work til 3 and get stuff done. Nope, I was there until 6! And going in tomorrow too *crossing fingers that I can make decent looking superhero nametags for my students’ desks!* I’m really hoping I can get what I need done tomorrow so I can relax Wednesday (and do some shopping with Irene for our classroom!).

Ugh it was so muggy and hot today that my glasses steamed up! Can I have Spring back please?

So I was browsing through memes (I like the daily meme website) and there’s a Manic Monday meme that had a question that caught my eye:

Imagine you could go back to the age of five and relive the rest of your life, knowing everything that you know now. You will reexperience your entire adolescence with both the cognitive ability of an adult and the memories of everything you’ve learned from having lived your life previously.

Would you lose your virginity earlier or later than you did the first time around (and by how many years)?

I recently had this conversation actually with Eva and Lina (at different times too haha). I sometimes wish when I think back to middle school, I knew what an straightening iron was and I had the nerve to wear cute clothes because all I wore were huge baggy t-shirts with the front tucked in and the back hanging out (these shirts are still absolutely huge on me!). Had I worn the cute clothes and my hair wasn’t so frizzy, I wonder if I would have been more popular and thus attract the attention of the guys I had a crush on (hey, maybe Teddy would have danced with me at the 8th grade dance rather than telling me he didn’t dance only to be seen 5 minutes later slow dancing with Marissa! Jerk!). I had no prospects in middle school and that’s perfectly okay because well what the hell did I know about sex beyond the notebook that Eva and I kept with all our stories and my love of romance novels!

But then I didn’t really have that many prospects in high school that I would have considered sleeping with. Maybe had I been hanging with that popular crowd, I would of had more prospects *ponders about certain classmates naked back then*. Then again, I remember my senior year Ian came over and I was paranoid that Mommy was going to find a hickey on me after we made out. I could have easily lost my virginity then – Mommy was at work and we were in my bed (and on the floor!). I was too paranoid not to! I don’t think I would of! Plus I remember being way too shocked when Mary lost hers when we were 16 and thinking WTF, that’s way too young! I still think 16 is too young!

Come to think of it, there’s only really one guy I really wanted to lose my virginity to in high school. Maybe had the timing been right and we actually dated, sure, I would of. Either way, we did end up having our one night…when I was 19 and after I lost my virginity! Timing has never been our friend! So after all that’s said and done…all I really wish was that I waited 5 more months from the time I lost my virginity and then I would have lost it to the guy I wanted to! I would have been then 19 rather than 18. That’s all I really would change after I really think about it.

27Jun

Just one more thing before you leave… Don’t forget to remember me.

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I was talking to Tanya yesterday on AIM and she said something that struck me odd. She told me she was was going to have a small wedding because she doesn’t feel close to half of the people she used to know. I asked her why that was and she said it’s a sign that she hasn’t been invited to anything (i.e. weddings) and no one makes an effort to talk to her so why should she? I wanted to respond back something to the extent of: well, there’s your answer why you’re not invited – you don’t make an effort yourself so why should others? I didn’t because I know in her own way she does try and does seem to get rejected often.

But then I realized the opposite is true in my case…I do try and I feel as if I’m getting rejected by the ones I call my friends. I have barely talked to 3 of my closest friends in two months because they’re so wrapped up in their boyfriends (or husband as the case may be) that I feel like I’m just an afterthought. I don’t expect to talk to them 2 hours a day, 14 hours a week (as Lina’s friend expects of her) but I would like to hear from them more once a month or so and maybe actually see them once in awhile . I seem to find out what’s going on in their lives based on their Facebook statuses rather than them actually talking to me. I know I’ve been playing phone tag with one of them so it’s not as if I’m completely forgotten but I’d like to see sometimes more of an effort than me trying to do it all the time. And then there’s my best friend who I either hear from her on a regular basis and then she doesn’t call me for a month or two. I’ve given up calling her – at this point if she wants to talk, she can call me. Cold maybe. I spent 6 months in college calling her on a regular basis begging her to talk to me and just tell me what’s wrong with her and she wouldn’t answer my calls. I won’t go down that road again. Most of my closest college friends I barely hear from either and I know they’re really busy and wrapped up in work and life but it would nice to hear from them once in awhile.

I feel like I’ve very few friends that I can really talk to right now about anything that I trust or just spend time with. There’s Jon. But what happens when I want to talk about my doofusface to someone else or need advice? I can’t go to him to bitch about him. Micah is in VA and works a lot. I can go to Shelly but I know she’s busy with Ethan and work and her own problems. I’m just rebuilding a friendship now with Charlie. Jason I know is busy and dealing with a lot of drama. Yup 5 people. Well 6, if Romeo got his cell phone back and it was easier to contact him – but he tries nonetheless. I know it’s quality over quantity and I believe that wholeheartedly. However, to be honest, I’m also lonely. Yes I’ll admit that.

Charlie has been telling me I should join some kind of activity to meet people and make friends such as joining a kickball league. I see my Facebook friends post their pics from their kickball leagues and it looks like fun. I’m thinking about joining one that starts next month. Beyond that I don’t know what to do and I hate that I just feel stuck at home with no one really to talk to. Any ideas of what else I could do to get out there and meet people?

I used to think if I ever moved, what would I do without my friends. I thought I’d be lost. I’m still here and I feel lost without them so what’s the difference, I wonder?

/whiny look at me post here.

26Jun

On death and dying

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Sigh. I have no desire to drive back to Maryland tomorrow. *shakes fist at the 3 hour drive*

Unfortunately, I must as even if I don’t make it by 10 AM to Tommy’s mother’s unveiling at the cemetery in Adelphi, I should at least go to Esther’s afterward and pay my respects, see the family, and have some yummy lunch. Plus Monday I’m going into work to help Irene with the classroom. Alas, my vacation with a doofus is over :(

Jon and I had an interesting discussion about religious practices dealing with death and mourning in Christianity and Judaism which he brought up something I had never really thought about before. He pointed out Judaism seems to deal with death using systematic desensitization while Christianity tends towards flooding. What do I mean?

In Judaism to simply give the basic overview, when someone in the family dies, the family of course has the funeral. There is no viewing typically as the belief is you want to remember the person how they were and not in death. Lot of prayers are said, eulogies spoken, shirt torn, and dirt is thrown on casket by mourners and their friends (worst sound in the world in my opinion is hearing that final thunk). The family will sit Shiva anywhere from 3-7 days (excluding Friday night and Saturday – Shabbat) while people come and visit every day/night and bring food plus more prayers are said. There are restrictions of what one can and can’t do when one is a mourner (shaving, looking at a mirror, going to parties come to mind but there are others). After the Shiva period, there’s a 30 day period of mourning (still no shaving) where one can go back to work but don’t go out much otherwise. Then there’s the one year unveiling where the tombstone is laid out. Finally every year to commemorate the death, a Yizkor candle is lit and stays lit for 24 hours. Systematic desensitization.

While I’m no expert on Christianity by any means, from what I understand, when a person dies, there’s a viewing to help to come to terms and say final good byes. The funeral happens, prayers and eulogies are said at the cemetery and the person is buried (while you’re not even there to see – that’s a shock to me) …and that seems to be about it. There’s no restrictions, no nothing. Flooding. You’re thrown into it and face the death head on and you move on with your life.

To me, it’s like do you jump in the water or do you dip your toe in the water to test the water out and then slowly wade in? Me, most times I’m a wader – I’m not much for jumping in the water right off the bat. I wonder if many Jewish people like me are also waders when it comes to the water and that’s why mourning the Jewish way makes sense (at least it does to me). Maybe though there is something to it to be a jumper?

25Jun

Friday Frustrations

FILED IN Ecstasy MB Blog-a-thon | Life | Uncategorized 3 Comments

I’ve 5 days left of this blog-a-thon and I’m pretty proud that I made it this far not missing a day. However, as I think about my day today and try to think about what to write about, I find myself stuck and frustrated which leaves me to lay on Jon’s bed staring at his beerpong poster wondering why there’s no beer in those cups! Frustrated I googled Friday Memes and voila! I found something to fit my mood and something to write about. So I bring you my top 10 frustrations this week!

1. People who like to think they can judge me and how I live my life and how I should handle my relationship with my father and what I should do for him. And no, you do not know what I’ve been through with him so STFU.
2. TV shows not loading. I love Ramzor but episode 4 is driving me insane not loading properly!
3. Not pooping. Enough said.
4. Being around people who don’t talk much. I’m awkward enough as it is – please do not make me feel more awkward and self-conscious!
5. Awkward hello’s and goodbyes.
6. Family members jumping to conclusions and not taking the time to think something through!
7. The Dustin Byfuglien trade…what was Chicago thinking? Better yet, why weren’t they thinking?
8. The big deal over Taylor versus Tyler…who cares who’s going to be number one in the draft? Lot of the times it seems the big names were lower numbers in drafts.
9. The fact that I kept refreshing around 7 PM tonight to see if it was going to be Taylor or Tyler as number one.
10. It takes way too long to restore my energy on Treasure Isle on Facebook…can I please get to the bottom of the volcano already so I can return to my regularly scheduled program of actually searching for treasures on islands.
…and as a side note, why am I not an actual treasure hunter? or a penguin feeder?

24Jun

Matchmaker, matchmaker make me a match

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Mommy claims she’s an awesome matchmaker. I’ll admit she’s done a lot. I mean despite Ilana trying to take credit, she did match up Brenda and Tamir…and they’re now working on their 4th child (who I hear is due end of this year sometime…shows how much I know about my own cousin!). There’s others who she hooked up and they lived happily ever after.

I don’t think I’ve inherited this matchmaking gene. Not for the lack of trying!

I tried once matching Charlie and Lidia up. It seemed to go okay until something happened on their date and she called me up telling me about he complained of how much money he spent on on buying her dog some dog treats. Needless to say, that did not end well. I tried setting up Micah and Lidia until she freaked out that he wore mismatched socks with shorts when we went to Six Flags and wouldn’t go on a date with him after that.

Maybe I just shouldn’t be hooking Lidia up with people. That’s okay though; she credits me for getting her together with Steven (her boyfriend). I didn’t do anything though besides go with her to Mike’s party up in Damascus somewhere and then drive her and Steven’s drunk asses to IHOP at 4 AM to meet up with everyone else. Actually I drove her car because she couldn’t drive and then she proceeded to have sex with Steven in the backseat (which from what I hear he doesn’t remember…sadly I do). Either way she credits me and I’ll take it even though I didn’t do anything and I don’t talk to her anymore lol.

I tried hooking Micah up with Tanya. That would have gone well and surprisingly, he would have gone on a second date with her even after the infamous line “Oh you’re an orphan? My father is too.” However, she was not so interested…I think that’s because she was dating Choppy and didn’t say anything.

Then there’s Jenny who I tried setting up with Wesley (I went to middle school with this guy and at the time was quite popular, now he’s just creepy)…that didn’t work out so well as she told me he never grew out of that middle school mentality despite having a daughter now. Somehow not surprised.

Now Charlie is trying once again to get me to find him someone. I wonder what’s the secret to matchmaking to actually get matches to work though? Can someone teach me how to be a successful matchmaker?

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