Just one more thing before you leave… Don’t forget to remember me.

I was talking to Tanya yesterday on AIM and she said something that struck me odd. She told me she was was going to have a small wedding because she doesn’t feel close to half of the people she used to know. I asked her why that was and she said it’s a sign that she hasn’t been invited to anything (i.e. weddings) and no one makes an effort to talk to her so why should she? I wanted to respond back something to the extent of: well, there’s your answer why you’re not invited – you don’t make an effort yourself so why should others? I didn’t because I know in her own way she does try and does seem to get rejected often.

But then I realized the opposite is true in my case…I do try and I feel as if I’m getting rejected by the ones I call my friends. I have barely talked to 3 of my closest friends in two months because they’re so wrapped up in their boyfriends (or husband as the case may be) that I feel like I’m just an afterthought. I don’t expect to talk to them 2 hours a day, 14 hours a week (as Lina’s friend expects of her) but I would like to hear from them more once a month or so and maybe actually see them once in awhile . I seem to find out what’s going on in their lives based on their Facebook statuses rather than them actually talking to me. I know I’ve been playing phone tag with one of them so it’s not as if I’m completely forgotten but I’d like to see sometimes more of an effort than me trying to do it all the time. And then there’s my best friend who I either hear from her on a regular basis and then she doesn’t call me for a month or two. I’ve given up calling her – at this point if she wants to talk, she can call me. Cold maybe. I spent 6 months in college calling her on a regular basis begging her to talk to me and just tell me what’s wrong with her and she wouldn’t answer my calls. I won’t go down that road again. Most of my closest college friends I barely hear from either and I know they’re really busy and wrapped up in work and life but it would nice to hear from them once in awhile.

I feel like I’ve very few friends that I can really talk to right now about anything that I trust or just spend time with. There’s Jon. But what happens when I want to talk about my doofusface to someone else or need advice? I can’t go to him to bitch about him. Micah is in VA and works a lot. I can go to Shelly but I know she’s busy with Ethan and work and her own problems. I’m just rebuilding a friendship now with Charlie. Jason I know is busy and dealing with a lot of drama. Yup 5 people. Well 6, if Romeo got his cell phone back and it was easier to contact him – but he tries nonetheless. I know it’s quality over quantity and I believe that wholeheartedly. However, to be honest, I’m also lonely. Yes I’ll admit that.

Charlie has been telling me I should join some kind of activity to meet people and make friends such as joining a kickball league. I see my Facebook friends post their pics from their kickball leagues and it looks like fun. I’m thinking about joining one that starts next month. Beyond that I don’t know what to do and I hate that I just feel stuck at home with no one really to talk to. Any ideas of what else I could do to get out there and meet people?

I used to think if I ever moved, what would I do without my friends. I thought I’d be lost. I’m still here and I feel lost without them so what’s the difference, I wonder?

/whiny look at me post here.